This is a letter I wrote to my sister on her 17th Birthday last year... It encapsulates many things that I learnt in the last most important years of my life. I hoped it would serve as a guiding post when she encounters the same turns in her life. Hope it helps anyone who reads it.
9th
July 2015
Dearest
Ambu,
Today you
turn 17 and that’s a big deal. I still remember holding you, when you were just
born. I was so protective about you ever since you came in this world. I still
feel the same way for you and always will. You will always be my First Love, my
Little Angel and nothing can change that.
On this
important occasion I delved a great deal about what I could give you that would
be of some use to you. Then it occurred to me that I could use this opportunity
to get you something which I really value a lot and which I hope you will value
too – My Thoughts!
You might think, what does that mean? Well, let us just put it like
this… 12 years back, I was exactly where you are now, gearing up for my 12th
Boards - uncertain of what life had in store for me and unsure of whether I had
acquired the necessary skills to face it… 12 years on, unfortunately I still
feel the same way but one thing I can say with certainty and 100% conviction is
that I am much better off today than I was 12 years back and there are few
things I have picked along the way.
Life is a
great teacher, but as it is with all great teachers, you have to be really
paying attention in the class to grasp the subject and this is what I want to
help you with today – grasping what life teaches you. I want to share 10
Learnings of mine that I believe helped me and that I hope will help you as
well as you charter your own course though this beautiful journey called life. So here it
goes…
Learning 1: Your Time is Important – spend it
wisely!
As you grow
older you will realize that life is like that bucket of water with a hole (you
would recall those Math problems of rates) where water keeps leaking and sooner
or later the bucket does get over. Our time here in this world is really
limited and therefore, we should spend it only on things that matter to us or
on people that matter to us. When I look back to the last 12 years I have
realized that there were many occasions when I just whiled away my time not
realizing that I will never get this time back – Never!
Imagine it
like this – There are 53 weeks in a year and we will live on an average about
70 years. If we want to put our entire life on a piece of paper (or excel excel)
such that the columns represent the weeks and rows represent the years then we
can draw a 53 X 70 Grid and that represents each week of our life in one page
(illustration below). 17 years have passed by and now you are running the 18th.
This is 25% of the entire grid that you have spent learning at home and in
school. Yes, Life is indeed short!
Learning 2: Save for a Rainy Day- Don’t try to
be the weatherman!
We all like
spending the money we earn. We feel that we completely deserve it - after all
whom are we earning for if not for ourselves and our dear ones? Nobody can
predict the future, however, one can always plan for it. Most of us go through
life thinking that nothing bad will befall us but haven’t we both have seen it
up close, what can happen if you have not planned for well, what happens if the
worst thing you ever thought actually does happen… That’s what we have to be
ready for, because shit happens, but it depends on the individual whether he is
prepared to handle it.
There are
many ways to save money (will spare you the details for later) but it is always
good to start saving early. You know compound interest right? Here, money keeps
multiplying by a factor and increasing much faster than in the simple addition
that happens in Simple Interest. Well, in life money always compounds and therefore
the early you start saving, the bigger that sum becomes later on.
When I started
earning even I did not save as did a lot of people my age. Actually we always
thought that we will earn more later anyway then why do we need to save money.
But, dad’s operation has really made me think a lot about it. One never knows
when one might need the money – hat situation might come where you need it for
yourself or near and dear ones. Do spend on yourself, don’t put yourself in any
kind of discomfort, pamper yourself from time to time but always plan ahead
too, save anything extra and that always helps on a rainy day – this view has
helped me, I hope it helps you too.
Learning 3: Spend money not on things but on
experiences!
Yes it is
good to spend money on things, on important items and on stuff we really desire.
But when faced with a choice, especially large expenses always choose to spend
money on stuff that will creates long-lasting memories. Many times we imagine
ourselves with a larger car or a bigger TV or the latest Smart Phone and feel
good about imagining ourselves with them in our possession, but once we
actually buy them sooner or later we get used to them and start eyeing the next
best thing. For example when I had a bullet, I really loved it and it was a
huge step over my previous bike but I would sometime envy people with cars
especially when it was too sunny or rainy and I would imagine myself having the
car too, but then I got a Swift and felt good for a while, I stopped using the
bullet altogether except special occasions which were rare. Soon I would see
myself in traffic and start eyeing cars bigger or better than the Swift, what
if I had a car which was more powerful, which would go to 180kmph, which would
make heads turn, surely I put in all I had saved and got a Skoda Laura – so
intelligent right? My poor bike was watching sadly all this while from the
corner of its eye. Now, I drive a Laura, I love everything about it but
whenever I cross a BMW or an AUDI I give them a Second look and start imagining
when their time will come… But this is crazy, irrational even! As you would
have read in economics, men have unlimited wants, well they surely do, I am a
walking talking example of that. But, when I stop and think in hindsight, I was
happy with the Swift, but in my hurry to get ahead I got something which I
probably could have done without at that time.
More importantly,
if I had spent that money on a holiday somewhere, or on a language course even
that would have been so much better. I could have visited 2-3 new countries with
friends/family with lesser money. And that’s what life is about. It is always
about making choices- the choices we make today become a thing of the past but
determine our future!
Remember,
man is adaptable, we always adapt to our environment, we adapt to bigger
things, bigger cars, bigger houses, more expensive restaurants, initially it is
all new, but we soon get used to it and it becomes old and we want something
new to excite us… It works in a reverse way as well, when moving from a bigger house to a smaller one, or from a big
city to a smaller one (As I did when I moved from Pune to Moradabad) one feels
an initial sense of discomfort but then adapts to that as well and soon he/she gets
used to it. But experiences (good or bad) teach us more; they make us better at
the game of Life. You should always look to build more experiences and you will
always find me encouraging you for that.
Learning 4: Follow your dreams, you live only
once!
You would
recall above I have said that Life is a limited resource, well you will live
only once too (at least from the looks of it!). Imagine when you go to a
Chinese restaurant – don’t you always order your favourite item on the menu (chilli
chicken)? The Menu has hundreds of things but you always subconsciously want to
have that, yes you might order things for variety and for experience but most
of the time you will not forget to order your favourite. Why do you do that? You
know you won’t be coming there every day and when you also know there is only
as much you can eat, why not eat stuff that you like!
That
applies to life too, but it isn’t as simple as that. There is so much happening
in the whirlwind of life that we sometimes forget the things that are important
to us. We all dream of being someone, doing things, seeing things but life
happens and we forget all that only to realise that the right time to do it has
passed us by. Don’t let that happen- ever.
“I am the
master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul”
Always take
time out from life- extricate yourself from the day to day challenges, shut
them off and ask yourself, is this what you wanted? Is this what keeps you
awake at night? Is this making you happy?
I
understand that where you are currently, it is difficult to know what you want
out of life but as you will grow older the picture will start to become less
hazy. You might not always know what you want but you will build up a set of
beliefs about what you don’t want with a lot more surety. Some of us are able
to know clearly know what they want, they are the ones who do best in life.
This is because they are doing what they truly love and that creates that
burning desire in them to get over every obstacle and achieve their goal! I
wish you also find your calling.
Learning 5: Family comes first!
Work needs
you when you are well, but it’s your family that steps in when you have no one
to turn to. Always look out for your family. They are your roots, they will
hold you firm and they will nourish you. I was reading the biography of Rafal
Nadal and he spoke about how his family helped him get through the toughest
time of his career - when the bone in his foot broke after winning his first
Grand Slam. His family’s support and guidance saved a career which would have
otherwise ended there and the world would have missed the magic of Nadal. We
have an example closer home, we have seen how each one of our family members
have pitched in their own way and that has helped us get through with Dad’s
recovery. I do not even want to think of a situation without our family.
Yes, it is
important to be self-reliant, not dependant on anyone, but I am not talking
about that, I am talking about when you are in a situation when you cannot rely
on yourself because you are unable or incapable, and there are moments when you
might encounter such situations. Always stay connected to your family baby.
Trust me!
Learning 6: Be true to yourself!
We go
through life wearing various facades/masks that hide our emotions from outsiders;
this is to protect ourselves, to be able to prevent others to know of our true
vulnerabilities. That’s ok. It’s important to have that as you never know who
you might encounter, who might take advantage of you. But, deep down always
know who you truly are!
You should
know that stripped off of all that armour, who that person called Ambika is
truly on the inside. What works for you, what hurts you, what’s your weakness,
what’s your goal, what’s your biggest asset etc. You should know yourself truly
to be able to make a difference in this world. There is nothing sadder than to
know a person who doesn’t know himself – people do have blind spots and there
are ways to overcome them.
I stand in
front of the mirror many a time thinking about why I did what I did? Why I felt
this way when somebody said something? What am I looking for a relationship at
work or outside? What do I want to be? What kind of a friend am I? What kind of
a brother am I? What kind of a son am I? etc. These are the things that I keep
asking myself and I also notice the change in myself this way as various
experience in life shape us as we go along. It’s always important to have conversations
with yourself! You will not only know yourself better, but will also become
surer of your decisions in life.
Learning 7: Invest in yourself – you are your
biggest asset!
“I think,
therefore I am”
Each one of
us is the pivot around which our entire life is based. We are the one in the centre
and why not? We deserve it, it’s our life! You can take away anything from a
person, but you cannot take away his soul. If there is one thing I will always
trust in life it is I and my confidence comes out of that trust on my own capabilities.
Always remember- You are your biggest asset. There is nothing you cannot
accomplish in life if you believe in yourself that you can do it.
Most of us
fail to touch our goals because somewhere along the way we leave our beliefs
and compromise with something we are ok with –we short-change ourselves. Everything
in life comes at a price- the more you give, the more you get in return. It’s
your very own Return on Investment. Now, if you are your biggest asset, wouldn’t
you want to maximize your own value? Stephen Covey in his book Seven Habits…
talks about how one should invest in three different aspects: MIND, BODY AND
SOUL
1. Intellectual/Mental Level- By studying/reading and going to school/college
etc. we build the mental faculties of our Mind that helps us being more capable
at work or solving complex problems of life
2. Physical Level- We have to take care of our body, eat the right
things, exercise properly etc. so that increases our longevity and makes us capable
to get more out of life
3. Emotional/Spiritual Level- Spirituality doesn’t always mean belief
in God. It’s important to invest in yourself spiritually to be in touch with
yourself and know who you really are. This feeds the soul and makes you a
better individual
I truly believe in working on the above three
aspects of life. The way our society is we always end up impacting only one or
two aspects of life and therefore are not able to build ourselves completely in
the best way possible. I myself have found myself lacking on the 2nd
aspect (as you can see from my weight). You want to be great - well, this is
what greatness demands.
Learning 8: Give respect to others!
We have till
now only spoken about ourselves, now that’s a very self-centred way to lead
life, after all life is not led in isolation, you are all the time interacting
with people, depending on them many a times for some of the most important
things in life. We meet new people every day, some we like, some we don’t, some
we admire and stop to get another look, some we don’t even realize have passed
us by. Whatever the case maybe, world is a social place and we cannot escape
dealing with people. It is very important therefore to have soft skills/people
skills so that helps you get the best out of others. But here I will talk about
the most basic aspect – Respecting Others.
Even the
best sportsmen playing at the highest level got through the same, they might be
the biggest rivals on the field, but outside they have nothing but respect for
one another because each one realises how thin the margin of difference is
between them at that level and how difficult it was for the other person to
reach at that level of proficiency in sport – the number of hours put in
training, the personal sacrifices, giving up their childhood for achieving
greatness on field etc.
Life is not
about equality, some people are better at some aspects others better at other
aspects - each person is unique. Deep down everyone thinks a big deal of
themselves just the way you think about yourself. Each person has gone through
life with a set of experiences; they have had parents, teachers, friends etc.
just like you do. It is important to acknowledge that even they have reached
somewhere overcoming a challenge; it could be personal or professional. They
also want to be treated with respect, again, just like you. And when you give
people that respect something magical happens, you see them returning the same
in ways you cannot even imagine. It might not happen right there and then, it
might happen somewhere in the future, sometimes even when you are not around. No
relationship in life can survive without mutual respect of each other whether
it is between a manager and his employee, between a husband and wife, or even
between a brother and sister. Mutual respect is the basic foundation of any
relationship between two people.
Learning 9: You cannot get away without getting
your hands dirty:
Remember
the 70:20:10 Principle- Only 10% of what we learn in life is though formal education/classroom/college/trainings,
20% we learn from Peers/Family/Friends but 70% of what we learn we do from
doing things ourselves!
If you want
to do something and learn from it, be ready to get your hands dirty. Don’t procrastinate;
don’t wait for somebody else to do it. Nobody can come and do it for you. In
the same vein, once you have done the thing yourself and learnt from it, the
confidence you get from doing it is absolutely unshakeable just like the Math
problems you grapple with - when you read solved examples, you are learning
from somebody else’s effort, it will never match up to the learning you get by
solving the problem yourself, its only then that the method sticks.
At work, we
are daily faced with issues or decisions that we wished somebody else came and
did for us, many times I have pushed back urgent work or asked someone else to
do it because I did not want to get into it. Each time I have done that I have
come back realising that I will never be confident of doing it if that or a
similar problem came back in the future. This is one aspect we should all
consciously work on developing - Do it yourself!
Learning 10: There is nothing free in this
world.
This is the
last thought I want to leave you with… Nothing comes free in this life- mark my
words! It might appear free at first, but the costs you incur can be of various
types - monetary, emotional, physical, time etc. So always stop and watch out
whenever you think it is free. For example, if on the eve of your board exams I
were to offer you a free trip to Goa, without any cost or strings attached-
will you take it, yes it is monetarily free but the cost of going there and
missing out on your exams will be too huge!
“No Pain,
No Gain” – But is the Pain worth the Gain?
All Actions
in life are determined by the Pain/Pleasure principle. If an action brings us a
lot of pain without too much pleasure we try and stay away from it, similarly
if there is something that gives us a lot of pleasure with minimum pain we are
willing to do it immediately. This applies to everyone and all actions we
undertake. For ex. if you derive a lot of pleasure from studying in LSR and the
pleasure you derive from that outweighs the pain that you would undergo in
studying and scoring a high percentage in boards to get into it, then you will
work towards making it happen, you will be motivated, determined, and will be
willing to go that extra mile for it. Similarly, if the pleasure you derive
from good education is not much but the pain involved in studying hard is still
as much as it was in the first case, you will not be motivated, you will avoid
studying, making excuses. Now, nobody is saying, which decision is better, it
depends on the individual but it is important to know what the pleasure and
pain points are clearly by writing them down and weighing them against each
other. Sometimes it is not the actual pleasure or pain but the perceived
pleasure or pain as well which guides our decisions. It is however, still
important to weigh every major decision in your life. Take some time out to
note down all possible outcomes –you do not want to take a big decision in
haste and later realize that you missed something which could have changed your
mind or even changed the course of your life!
Ambu, “Nothing
dies faster in this world than a new idea in a closed mind” – Always be open to
new ideas and learn from them. I hope these little pieces of advice that I have
shared with you serve as a guiding post for you as you create your future. You
have a stable head on your shoulders and I will support no matter what decision
you take in life. While I am there every step of the way with you, it is you
who will be taking those steps and therefore, I wish you nothing but the best!
Lots of
Love
Aditya
